with faith comes love

On March 23rd I gave birth to two beautiful babies, a boy named Darien and a girl named Jo'hannah. When I first found out I was pregnant it came as such a surprise that I did not know how to react, I was first happy then I was sad cause it caught me off guard, but as the months passed by I grew more and more happy at the thought of becoming a mommy. I bought clothes, bouncers, made blankets, and even had plans for my little ones. On Feb. 26th I went to see the doctor and got the best news of my life I was having a boy and a girl, about 2 weeks later I go in for a check up and they tell me that my cervix is over two cms open and that I need to go on bed rest. It seemed to me that from that point on everything went down hill. I go home and for 4 days I lay in the bed only moving to use the rest room. However my problem did not get better it only got worse. On the 5th day of bed rest I woke up 3 a.m. in the morning with my underwear soaked I thought my water had broke. My mother rushes me to the hospital at this point I am scared for the lives of my babies. I go into the hospital and they put me in a room, they check my tummy for my babies but because they are so young they find it hard to find heart beats, the nurse proceeds to check my cervix with her fingers, and says she can’t find anything. Know please remember I told you that a doctor said that I was over 2 cms open, if they would have looked for my records from the doctors office they would have seen that and proceeded not to touch me, both of my doctors work closely with the hospital so it wasn’t like they could not get my records. They send me home and only hours later, I start to bleed I go back to the hospital. They check me in and that’s were I stay for 6 days, on the 6th day I gave birth to my babies. I was so sad that I couldn’t hold them inside of me for a longer time and I felt like I had failed as a mother. The nurses called for the children’s care unit more then three times finally they came and took my babies away. I thought they were dead but in fact they were still alive in critical condition but still alive no less, so they go to valley children’s where the doctors there did all that they could to save my babies lives but in the end it was fate that they go up to heaven and be with god, I had to let them go. I look back on the events and I see things that I could have done differently and I see things that nurses and doctors could have done differently but in the end I am happy with the end results. To my doctors, to whom you know who you are I want to say thank you, you gave me the best care possible and I look forward to coming to you again when I have another baby. To the nurses and Doctors and ST. Agnes thank you, you guys are the nicest, caring people ever, and you made my stay comfortable and warm. To the doctors at valley children’s thank you for doing all that you could do, I am still confused about where the bacteria came from but, none the less you did all you could do for my babies. Last but not least I want to thank Mr. Reed and Ms. Irene For giving me the opportunity to put my babies to rest, may god be with all the people who helped me and my babies, and may god make right the wrong people did to my babies.
And to you my precious beautiful angels mommy loves you, and will never forget you, you were only here for just a while but your beautiful faces and fighting spirit will live on forever in my heart, and my soul. I love you more then anything and I always will.
This is my story, to all parents who have had this problem or is going through this problem always keep hope, always keep faith, and always keep god in your hearts because he is the only one who can help you through.